I love to see and hear young people as they talk about boyfriends/girlfriends, marriage, the big wedding what married life will be like….. or do I get sad?
In the beginning God….. As we (creationists) know we were made to be in relationships. We are social people. We need others. All that understanding aside, however, I have seen and heard so many different views on what a marriage is. If a young man is raised by a “doting” mother who picks ups his room (during and after the pre-teen years) and does his laundry…(I cringe just writing that), cooks for the family and serves them-normal behaviors, but he is never made to learn to cook or clean for himself, never had responsibilities, chores, etc., then this man will most likely continue to be dependent on mother, and most likely, be fairly useless around the house and in other areas as well. The poor wife will be expected to be his “mother”, cooking for him, picking up his clothes and stuff off the floors, doing his laundry, exhausting just thinking about this, without lifting a pinky to help. He will most likely feel it an affront if he is asked to share in the chores of the house! If you are a stay-at-home wife, then he may have the bold audacity to tell you that since he works (at a paying job- since your jobs at home will not count-ever) he should not be expected to continue to work when he gets home! LOL
Ladies, BEWARE!!! If you notice this codependency with mother and son, you MUST have the conversation BEFORE you sign papers and say “I do”, because you will wish you “didn’t”. You must have many discussions about what each other’s expectations are to be at home, etc. DO NOT under any circumstances expect that you can just ask, and prince charming will come running to the rescue. Likewise, men, do not expect that just because you are married, that your new bride will simply take care of you like mommy did and not expect anything in return.
Ok, now that I have assuredly pissed some people off, let me add this caveat. There are truly some good men and women out there. There are wonderful men who will always help out around the house. You must, however, have these conversations prior to any long-term commitments. Additionally, you must discuss whether or not someone is to stay at home for a period of time, and how finances will be managed, etc.
Love sometimes blinds us and has us thinking that everything will just be OK. “I don’t need to talk to him/her about this, it’s absurd!” Better off now than when its too late. Talk about your role expectations. Does she want him to be a provider? The sole provider? Does she expect him to be a partner? Does she expect the marriage to be a partnership in which you both share in responsibilities in and outside the home? Gentlemen, what do you want out of a women. Do you want more than just a lover? Do you just want someone to cook and clean (and pick up your dirty clothes off the floor) for you? Do you want a lifetime partner, someone who will go through life’s ups and down’s with you, holding on to each other, supporting and uplifting each other? Growing with each other? You get the picture.
Is it all worth it? Statistics, and the Bible, show us that it is worth it. We have seen pictures in news stories about elderly couples who have been together over 40, 50 years! Unfortunately, in our world today, they are not the norm. Sadly the norm is that divorce is the new (not so new)”in”.
How will your relationship be? How is it now?