How embarrassing!! As a school counselor, I teach social skills. One of the skills I teach falls under the character trait of Respect. I talk and teach about this for over a month! I also teach about kids/people who are habitually cruel to others-bullies/abusers.
Here is my quandary. I teach Respect; I teach the Golden Rule-over and over mind you. I talk about being nice to others, gossiping, rumors, exclusion, etc. yet I constantly find myself gossiping about my coworkers, I am jealous or envious-I don’t know- about my new part-time peer, and I absolutely hate the feelings I have! What’s worse is that I have found myself having very little patience for little kids misbehaving, having temper tantrums, and crying because they can’t have their way! In my role, I am supposed to be tolerant and accepting. I don’t even have to mention my Christian side of all of this. Now the tears begin to sting my eyes…..
I can’t believe how I have the nerve to be what I am, yet I can’t walk the talk. I begin each day in prayer for strength and courage to do the right thing, and a bible study. I pray every night for forgiveness because I have screwed up, pardon me, slipped up yet again. I just can’t seem to get it right.
You know it goes on….. I am single, and on a dating site hoping that I may, one day, run into that “perfect” guy-which, I understand, in time, God will send him my way. Even in that area I see myself excluding very nice men, but they just aren’t good-looking. So, now I’m not only a hypocrite, but I’m shallow as well.
At the rate I’m going, I won’t be ready for Jesus’ second coming. I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me, for wisdom to discern between right and wrong. There is a disconnect somewhere—-lol, funny just saying that. I am the disconnect!
Father, I humbly thank you for loving me in spite of myself! I know I don’t deserve it, but You see something in me. Help me to not be such a disappointment to You. Use me to help others, and with a loving heart.